Wow, when I was writing the title for this post I can’t believe it has been two years since my last relationship with another adult. When I separated from my husband I remember a friend asking quite early on if I would marry again. I said I would, but not in the traditional way. By that I mean, no huge formalities or grand expense. It would be myself, my loved one and a handful of friends and family, out in the woods celebrating love. I got into another relationship quite quickly with a chap. I knew with this guy we wouldn’t be together forever but this person was much needed at that time in my life. He was so supportive of me and I know we aren’t meant to rely on others for self confidence or to boost our self esteem, but he truly had my back. He loved me unconditionally and was there for me during the transitional phase of Lindsay, from mum and wife, to me again. There was room and space in the relationship for me to grow and experience new things. I was learning to go from being in a codependent relationship to an independent one. I learnt how to set boundaries in a safe space. If I didn’t want to go out for example, I would say so and he respected that.
This relationship was a huge opportunity for self growth, understanding and learning to be me again. It didn’t last, as I knew it wouldn’t ( insight from upstairs and a knowing) but it gave me some great perspectives on what I was and wasn’t willing to compromise on in a relationship. Every relationship that we have with another gives us an opportunity to deepen our understanding of self. In my first book, A Gentle Hug for the Soul, I explore the concept of labels in relationships. What does it mean to be a boyfriend/girlfriend/wife/husband/partner? When we place a label on a person we love often it can then come with expectations. For example I might expect a boyfriend to buy me flowers once a week, because that may be something society tells us or we are conditioned to expect. A husband provides for his family, is the breadwinner. So many of these labels are so outdated it keeps people in boxes and doesn’t allow room for exploring who they or their other halves are.
Being single has taught me some huge lessons, especially through lockdown when we can’t see our family as we used to. So without further ado here are my top 10 things I have learnt from being single!
- I actually enjoy spending time by myself
- I probably know myself better now than I have done in my previous 39 years of being on this planet
- When someone comes into my life I ask for guidance on what will they bring to my life and what will I bring to theirs. Relationships work two ways
- I can buy myself flowers and treat myself to things without ‘needing’ someone else to do it for me
- I have a basic toolbox which I am proud to say I can use, plus a big saw, just need the drill next lol!
- I have taught myself how to do various things which may be deemed a boyfriends job, such as mostly looking after my car and managing to touch wood, not run out of fuel
- Even though I’m not always great at adulting, I forgot to pay my road tax for 2 months last year and kept wondering why I was looking at my car lol, I have my sister to remind me to do the boring adult bits of life
- I am responsible fully for my life and experiences.
- I LOVE to dance and sing! My house is full of music, and my car, I’m currently listening to Faithless on YouTube
- I love myself unconditionally and can show myself love so in my next relationship I am not reliant on another person for love.
There you have it, my top 10 things I have learnt from being single for over 2 years. There are loads of other amazing lessons and experiences but that could be a whole book. If you are currently single, instead of searching and seeking embrace your own awesomeness then when you stop looking and seeking that person will find you.